Woman Arrested For Assault Offers to Cook For Police Officers

A woman arrested for assault outside of a Belltown nightclub last week probably should’ve taken officers up on that whole right-to-remain-silent thing.

A police report indicates the woman was kicked out of a bar on 2nd and Blanchard at about 10:45 pm on March 3rd after she tried to walk out with a beer in her hand. The woman told a bartender “she was from Miami and that she took to-go drinks all the time.”

When a bouncer escorted the woman outside, she told him “I’m going to wait until you are off work and I will cut off your balls and kill you” and then punched him in the testicles.

The report appears to indicate that when another patron in the bar brought the woman her purse, she grabbed him by the testicles, and then tried to throw a chair at several people outside the bar.

Police arrived and arrested the woman for assault. On the way back to the precinct, the woman had some choice words for officers.

“She told me several times she was going to get a gun and shoot me in the head,” Officer Matt Newsome wrote in his report. “She said she knew why cops were killed and she promised she would kill me. She also told me I was a Nazi Hitler lover and that she “was going to cut off my dick put it in a stew and feed it to me, before she killed me.”