Are You Ready For Some 4-12 Football?!?!?!

The only way I could stop Josh from making my official title at PubliCola “Crimenerd” was to agree to write about football. So, to preserve what little dignity I have left, so here we are.

For the next 16 weeks (and maybe some of the post-season), we’ll escape from the land of wonky politics and crime reporting into a magical world of poorly researched football analysis and bitching about my fantasy football team—especially when some goddamned d-lineman shatters Ookie’s pelvis and ruins Philly’s my season. (My other QB was Peyton Manning. Fuck.)

Now, let’s say the thing that needs saying: this is probably going to be an ugly weekend for the Seahawks.

The Hawks are coming off a week one loss to the 49ers, who haven’t been good since, like, 1996.

Naturally, we’re following up a humiliating lost to an AA division team with a trip to Pittsburgh, home of the zone blitz, ketchup factories, and sandwiches stuffed with french fries.

The Steelers were absolutely trounced by the Ravens in week one so, naturally, they’re looking for a big win at home to show that they’re still AFC contendersblahblahblah.

Added bonus: west coast teams typically don’t play very well when they fly cross-country and get all jet-lagged. Fact. However, this guy’s reffing, so maybe he’ll give the Hawks a freebee touchdown.

Short version: Blitz, blitz, punt. Touchdown, kick, 3rd and 27, jump pass, k-thunk, agggggggh, broken femur. 38-10.

Anyhow, It’ll get better (a serviceable QB will help), but it’s gonna be awhile.

We’ve  got a young offensive line and secondary which hasn’t gelled yet, two young, terrible quarterbacks (“but Charlie just needs a chance!” you say? Shut your face.), a dubious lineup of d-linemen and linebackers, and our fancy new wide receiver is still out with a strained whatever.

God I’m a bummer.

Sorry.

Go team!

Feel free to argue with me in the comments.

SundaySundaySunday:

Time: 10:00am Location: Heinz Field
TV: FOX | Radio: 710 AM ESPN / 97.3 FM KIRO